Don't Like It? Fuck It!

Folk keep commenting on fb that im mental. I get that its a phrase. Bit do you get how much i panic and go over everything i do. To make sure im not showing signs of being mental again. Its the having no filter. Then its over thinking. Then its turning into a million people and you dont know whats real. Having dreams and wanting kill someone for something that never happened. Seeing and and hearing things and then boom. Hospital. Never again. Its a fact people can relapse into it. Ive freaked myself out. You dont know its gone too far until that car comes and two wee ladies are explaing you need to pack things up to go with them. That is when you know its wrong and by then its too far. I know i drink too much. I dont want to “poison my brain” again. Im not on pills for that to happen. I also feel more stable but i think i will always have that worry. This is probably a reallly inapropriate thing to write on a website. I cant talk to anyone about this. I think this fear itself might make me loopy. I saw people who were stuck in there for years. Just getting worse and worse. I see the same wife on the bus who has is out for a month and back in for six.
Put it this way for people who dont get what i mean.
When your child and you catch headlice. You never want that feeling again or the way people treated you.